A rough crossing without a guide

Climbers on the Napes Needles including women in long skirts: About the turn of 20thcentury. Photo: Abrahams Brothers/ FRCC

Firstly, some background. My Dad, Bernard was born in Lancaster. His parents both died quite young. I never knew his Dad, like him called Bernard. His Dad, also Bernard, was killed at Ypres in 1915, just a few months before his kid brother. Their father, Bernard (You’re begining to spot a trend here…) a Shankhill Catholic had retired to Belfast after a distinguished career in the army. As my Dad has pointed out, the Dalys may have been brave professional soldiers, but they were pretty unimaginative with their childrens’ names.

 Anyway, my Dad’s Dad served in Africa during the Second World War. Back here in Blighty he drove the family Bakery van, and was then a conductor on Ribble buses.He’s a bit of a mysterious character to me – he never really seems to ‘fit’ in to the family. My Dad’s Mum was crippled with rheumatoid arthritis and then Hodgkinson’s Disease. I was born about 2 years before she died, but of course, have no memory of her. I am told she doted on me and loved the colour of my eyes.

 The point is, my Dad and his parents lived with his Mum’s parents in their big old house in Bowerham, Lancaster. In fact, the house wasn’t their’s at all. It was bequeathed to them by an old school mistress to whom they had been in service,  for the term of their natural lives – something my Dad didn’t know about until after his Grandmother, who outlived her husband, had died…. and the house had been emptied and most of its contents, including family possessions had been auctioned off.

It is of this house that I have some of my earliest memories.

Ethel (or ‘Tompt’) as she was known, was my great grandmother, and as I remember her, dressed in black bodice and big skirt, her hat held with pins, was the genuine article: a Victorian Woman She could be stern at times, and certainly didn’t suffer fools gladly.  (She seemed – to me at least – to berate her long-suffering husband at every possibility) But she had a heart of gold and though very ‘prim and proper’ would occasionally silence a room with her coarse sayings and bawdy jokes – ‘straight out of a Millom iron ore works!’ as my Dad remembers.

 That long-suffering husband was Thomas, after whom I take my middle name. He was from Walney Island off the coast at Barrow. A pattern maker at Waring and Gillow, he was a kind, gentle if sometimes grumpy man (Well, let’s face it, he had some reason). Also known as ‘Nandy’ due to the fact that as a child, this is what my Dad, unable to say ‘Grandad’ called him. He almost always wore a flat hat, starched collar, braces, pin-striped jacket and had a bushy moustache. I was his favourite! He used to come down early in the morning to light the fires. I was the only soul allowed down. I helped/hindered him clearing out the grate, then intricately folding sheets of newspaper to make long-burning, almost ‘double helix’ shaped firelighters. He would always make two mugs of tea. One for him one for me. After stirring, he would drink his with the spoon still in – and so that’s how I drank my tea.

 So many legends seemed to hang in the heavy air of their house in Lonsdale Place (Like the story of the mysterious ‘Mediterranean Blood’ in the family. This, on investigation has proved to be no more than a muddling of my Great great great Grandad’s wedding, which took place when he was stationed in Gibraltar, and the birth of his first child, this time when stationed in Barbados) One of the most oft-repeated yarns was the great story of the perilous Lake District crossing in atrocious weather from Eskdale, Skirting Scafell Pike down to the Wasdale Head Hotel in the summer of 1904. A cautionary tale, it was  felt to be sound advice from ‘Those that Knew’ to get the listener to look before they leapt.

Apparently, in the July of that year, my Great grandmother, Thomas (who was courting her) along with her parents, two sisters, Molly and Annie: possibly also with escorts and a ‘mystery man’ from Kent had decided to take a trip over the fell from Eskdale down into the adjacent valley (admittedly with some quite rough terrain and steep drops for the unwary or those unwilling/unable to read a map) As was the case in those days, a guide was appointed to see them over. For some reason, on the morning in question, he did not appear, but the party decided, perhaps unwisely, to go ahead anyway.

For no sooner had they begun than the weather began to close in. It got cold, wet, rocks began to get slippery. Visibility was reduced. Suddenly every now and then, the impenetrable mist would swirl violently and clear to reveal some yawning chasm or steep drop below or equally without warning, damp rock walls would loom up at them from the depths, blocking their path. It must have been quite hair raising at the time, but they were made of strong stuff. They arrived safe, if cold, wet and not a little shaken; my Great grandmother extremely vexed (as she used to say) with those who persuaded her (one suspects the suitors )  against her better judgement to take part in what she referred to everafter as “That Rough Crossing Without A Guide”

 Well, it comes about that one Easter – 29th April 1983, to be exact, I find myself with my Dad and my brothers at the annexe to the Wasdale Head Hotel. And why there and not propping up the bar?  Well, it just so happens that, my Dad, and brothers are still keen climbers and, as such hold membership of the British Fell and Rock Club; who it transpires have organised an exhibition of climbing photography and videos to commemorate the centenary of the first ascent of the ‘Napes Needle’, a particularly spectacular climb in Wasdale.  Members had been asked to give up their time to provide invigilation for the exhibition on a rota basis. As I was home from University and kicking my heels, I decided to join them.

On arrival, I had a good look round at the exhibits. There were great large format ‘box camera’ photographs, some by the famous Abraham brothers which were simply stunning. Crystal clear, tonal tours de force. Then there was Bonnington and Whillans – ‘I say, Don, have you got that crab?’ ‘Yer-what?’ (Climbing joke)  filmed on Dovedale Groove; but the one thing that caught my eye was the open visitors book dated 1902 – 4 from the Wasdale Head Hotel. Open, because it contained the signatures of a group of famous pioneer climbers, the Slingsby family and friends. Of much more interest to me, however was what was written on the opposite page, dated July17th 1904 in a confident, though slightly shaky hand:

” J C Dawson, J J Dawson, E Dawson (my Great Grandmother) P Dawson, A Dawson, M Dawson (and their place of birth/residence: all of Millom) T Townson, Walney (My Great Grandfather) P Priest,  Liverpool, M Wall, Millom, M Borrow, Dover.

 A rough crossing without a guide!” 

 

This is a copy of a scan my father did recently of the ‘Dawson’ page after being given permission to record the document by the hotel’s owners. Sadly, it had been allowed to deteriorate significantly since 1983; so much so that it was almost unrecognisable as the same image.

© Andy Daly  2010

Know it all

Now if anybody tells you that these days, Parkinson’s is not so terrible and that it can be easily managed with drugs, you can say nothing, but just punch them as hard as you like on the ‘Philtrum’ (Its the vertical groove or ‘channel’ we all have which runs – literally in the cases of some people – from the nose to the top lip) There are lots of nerve endings here which make it extremely painful when bopped.

With any luck, fragments of bone will be shattered away and lodge themselves in the ‘Know-It-All’s brain too.

© Andy Daly  2010

How to avoid giving someone a lift

The other day a friend asked me how they might avoid having to give a lift to someone whose company they did not particularly care for. I suggested:

1.) Play Captain Beefheart/Iggy Pop/Sex Pistols/Residents/Pere Ubu (any will do) CDs VERY LOUD the whole way. I guarantee you won’t hear a single word and you will never be asked for a lift again.

2) Say you’ve got a job finding locations for a re-make of ‘The Exorcist’ and there’s one or two places you want to check out on the way.

 3) On arrival at their house, ask if they happen to have about 4ft. of narrow gauge wire to hand (preferably in a rubber sheath)  as you could do with replacing your accelerator cable. It keeps sticking, usually somewhere about 60 – 70 mph.

© Andy Daly  2010

Foibles

“ Life on Mars” David Bowie. Remember it? Excellent song. On the vinyl lead out track of the 7 inch single, if you listen really carefully you can hear him ask for a glass of water. A bit over-assertively in my view; but I suppose if you’ve just recorded a 70’s classic we can forgive such foibles.

 (I’m never really quite sure what foibles are. I feel they ought to be a Brooklyn Xmas tree decoration made with feathers instead of glass)

 “Say Honey, which day do we take down duh Christmas decorations so we don’t get bad luck? I -yay, yay, yay,  can never remember is it duh 5th oer duh 6th?”

 “Ey How many times stoopid? And make sure  you pack all duh foibles away properly. Dey wereyeruncle Frankies”

© Andy Daly  2010

 

‘Timeless Classics’ present Double Brainfreeze

You know Brainfreeze? It’s that awful feeling when you’ve got something cold
in your mouth which seems to go right through your fillings. I’m assuming you
have some. If not you are a jammy so-and-so. Perfectly healthy teeth are but the vaguest of memories for me, probably the result of a minor addiction to Liquorice Allsorts  or more likely being too drunk or incapable to be in possession of a toothbrush. I get excessively envious of those who don’t have a mouthful of mercury and other toxic metals or resins.

Well, anyway, Brainfreeze sends the raw nerves behind those unsightly
nuggets of amalgam a-jingling and
a-jangling right up through your jaw and into your head, send your brain
into a maddening tailspin until you can put up with it no more and have to
jetison the the offending source of cold, or if it is small enough, swallow
it. It’s great fun watching the facial contortions of afflicted
unfortunates.

Not so cool if it’s you, though …

Well I had double brainfreeze the other day. I had  a FAB ice lolly (As in
“F. A. B. Virgil” You remember! … Thunderbirds) In fact, those of you who
want to kill two birds with one stone and experience a bit of childhood TV
nostalgia, along with the kind of refreshment experience that can only be
offered by a drink on a stick, would do well to try a FAB. Just be careful
where you consume it: because as I was about to say, we’ve just had oak flooring put
down. I am guzzling my FAB more than somewhat, when horror of horrors the
top half breaks off in my mouth. I stand in the centre of the living room: a
sea of oak around me as far as the eye can see. Nowhere, but nowhere to
jetison/spit/or otherwise get rid of this particular slab of frozen-over
Hell in my mouth, let alone dribble or drip!

I experience what seems like an eternity of agony, I reckon something
equivalent to 5 minutes of having all my original  drilling operations
performed at once – without the anesthetic this time or sitting through a debate in the London  Assembly: it’s about the same really, until I could finally
chomp up the chunk of now not-so- FAB and swallow it, just before passing out.

See? Double Brainfreeze. I have warned you.

© Andy Daly  2010

Todd Rundgren. Hammersmith Apollo 6th Feb 2010

HAMMERSMITH APOLLO 06/02/10

I went to see Todd Rundgren. Not everybody’s cup of tea I know, but his complete understanding of the dynamics of a three minute pop song, his ability as a producer sometimes to ‘get a lot out of a little’ (Meatloaf)  and his longevity without sliding into self-parody suggest he’s doing something right.

Rundgren is a musician who has been a particular favourite of mine since the late ’70s. Funnily enough it was Alan (“Alright?!”) ‘Fluff’ Freeman who proved to be the link. Before Punk, like thousands of other ‘lost souls’ I used to listen to the mainly turgid shite that he played on his Saturday afternoon Radio One ‘Prog Rock’ show, bless him.

I say ‘lost souls’ because, at the younger end of his audience, I think many,  like me listened, almost out of duty. There  wasn’t anything else. We were just waiting … That’s why when Punk came along, we were off! Barclay James Harvest, Tangerine Dream  and Yes? Fuck off! I want to listen to The Damned, The Buzzcocks, Slaughter and the Dogs and the Pistols.

Well, anyway ‘Fluff’ had a jingle he used to play which I couldn’t get out of my head. It was a snippet of a song.  It was clearly live: you could tell by the ambience and which featured what sounded like the chorus to a song sung a-capella,  the audience joining in whilst clapping a slow heavy rhythm along to it. It fascinated me. As well as sounding ‘live’ it sounded ‘alive’ like real people at a real gig.

It took me a while. None of my mates were into Rundgren, so none of them recognised it, but eventually I did track it down. It appeared to be “One More Victory” on a live album, “Another Live”. So on the strength of ‘Fluff’s few snatched seconds, I bought it, second  hand mail order from Cob Records in Wales, and that was it. I still have it. If you are able to stomach the bizarre  band photos which seem to depict a group of cross-dressing Mafiosi and Rundgren’s occasional self-indulgences, is a great record. One which for me, sits comfortably alongside other favourites from the same period: “The Modern Dance” Pere Ubu, “Natty Dread”,  The Wailers,  “Never Mind The Bollocks”, The Pistols and “The Mormon Tabernacle Choir Sings Songs of Christmas”

And so, to Saturday night, when Rundgren performed his ground-breaking oddity “A Wizard A True Star” in its entirety (at the time, he was making his money producing, and was thus able to make the record he wanted to make rather than the record company.) It is an eclectic and ideosyncratic stream of consciousness. On tour here in the UK in 2008, his promoter  mentioned that the album had been cited by a number of up and coming young musicians as an influence, and suggested a one off performance.

And what a performance!

He was brilliant! A top drawer gig from a genuine Pop music genius. Moving, funny, sophisticated, absurd, tender. A night for the soul as well as the dancing shoes.

© Andy Daly  2010

Trainer Wars: Round One

An old schoolmate has just told me that Mr. O’Riordan, the former Headteacher of St. Wilfrid’s the Middle School we both attended in Rochdale died at the weekend. He’d been suffering from Altzheimer’s for some time.

I must say, I wasn’t over-keen on him, especially since the day in 1972 he ‘slippered’ me with a size 9 Dunlop Green Flash tennis shoe. For once, I was innocent of all charges (That we’d shouted obscenities at the pitch on which a match was being played as we passed one lunchtime) I hadn’t done it. I was out of the sightline of the arresting officer/teacher anyway. I was guilty by association. My only crime was to think it was cool to hang around with a bunch of ne’rdo – wells and villains.

I didn’t realise I was being beaten with a ’70s ‘Design Classic’ at the time. I suppose that in itself was reason enough for a good battering. Come to think of it, this was probably the first ‘muscle-flexing’ of those companies whose battles for superiority in the ‘Great Trainer Wars’ of the 80’s and 90’s took place in every school playground in the country. My guess is that the late John O’Riordan was being paid a tidy sum by Puma to always make sure he ‘leathered’ pupils with a Dunlop Green Flash. The spectacle was organised so that the quaking miscreants were given plenty of opportunity to view their particular instrument of torture (and its distinctive logo) before the prolonged attack. Product-placement in reverse, I suppose. Accordingly the Head at the next school down the road was being paid by Dunlop to always make sure he ‘tanned their little backsides’ with Mitre boots and shoes and so on ….

There’s a lot more to marketing than meets the eye, you know.

© Andy Daly  2010

Salmon fishing on the Afon Dwyfor, Criccieth, Gwynedd

Way back, way, way back before the invention of impermeable groundsheets, I took part in the  10th Rochdale Scout camp in Criccieth. Most notable for the food we had, or rather didn’t.  After we had been there for a couple of days and acclimatised ourselves to the rain, sausages, eggs and constipation, we decided enough was enough.  To hell with powdered mash and burnt baked beans. No! We were going to feast. Tonight, we would provide the food. And what was it to be? A  whole Salmon. In fact, the biggest salmon we had ever seen.  Two of our intrepid gang had gone ‘exploring’ in the area and had returned with tales of a ‘massive bloody Salmon’ they had found lurking under a huge rock in the Afon Dwyfor – a majestic strip of river that runs past Criccieth to the coast.

Like ancient hunters, we prepared. Something primordial was sparked off in us as we sharpened spears, made arrows and went about weaving nets made of string. Later that afternoon, away we went, like an ancient hunting party.

Our intrepid duo were right. Sure enough, in one of the deep slow moving pools, if you hung upside down and put your head under water (Incidentally, I don’t recommend this or condone subsequent actions. All I will say in my defence is that it was 1973) there was indeed a ‘massive bloody salmon’ exactly as described. Our plan of attack was cunning and considered: scare it out into the shallows with sticks and spears, then ‘catch it’ with our (now rather pathetic-looking) nets ….. and tonight we shall feast!

Well, part one of the plan went surprisingly smoothly. Within a few minutes we had the most enormous fish, at least 40 lbs in weight, splashing around, fighting for life, while we stood with dropped jaws, transfixed by the beauty and sheer power of the monster we had unleashed. So much so, in fact that we failed to notice the two dark green Land Rovers that had sped onto the fields adjacent to the river bank. Before we could utter a word, and in a scene reminiscent of the closing sequence of ‘Monty Python and the Holy Grail’, we were bundled into said vehicles and after the briefest of interrogations, driven back to our camp. It was during the course of this short drive back that I noticed, for the first time the signs along the river bank ‘Private Land’, ‘No Fishing’, ‘Poachers will be prosecuted’

We got off with a caution, scotch eggs and mushy peas.

© Andy Daly  2010