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‘Came on so loaded man, well hung and snow white tan’

Remember these lines?

Ziggy Stardust. If you are having trouble. I have an image in my head circa 1971-2 of myself  listening to the album. Everyone else had gone to bed. Except my dad.

‘Do you understand the words he  asked? ‘Of course I do said’, mildly affronted that my relationship with Bowie’s music and lyrics be called into question.OK I lied.

But I made damned sure I found out pretty quickly

So ‘Well hung‘, slang for a gentleman of generous proportions in the trouser department, while ‘came on (stage) so loaded ( under the influence of drugs or alcohol) Snow white tan, a reference to Iggy Pop, a performer not averse to bringing his ‘Ol Feller’ out on occasion. And it’s quite  a slonker too – I’ ve seen it, along with half the known universe.

Now, I curated an exhibition recently at a nearby gallery. Well, I say ‘curated’ I just arranged some pictures and hung them up on the walls. Thankfully we had all the gear necessary to complete the task. Which makes a change. Step ladder, Staple gun, Staple remover, Frame hanging wire.. and my trusty metre stick and spirit level.

During her speech of welcome,The director of the gallery, as well as telling the audience something about the fascinating history of the venue, also  happened to point out to the assembled that yours truly was responsible for the layout. Of which I was quite proud, I have to say.

Bottles of wine were duly opened and everyone began to circulate, as they do; when  I was accosted (very gently ) but accosted nevertheless by a woman I guess in her late 60s, about five foot tall, dressed in dark trousers and a grey sweater. she looked me square in the face and said

‘Well Hung’

Now, I must admit she took me by surprise somewhat, she hovered a little longer as I wrestled with the problem: question or statement of fact?

I smiled inanely but by the time I had thought of a witty repost, she was long gone into the crowd.

My witty repost? The best I could do under the circumstances

‘It’s not a lot but it will fill a pram’