It’s a Saturday morning and my mate Dinks is chuffed to bits, for despite his hangover he was up and out, early doors and into Stratford, found a DIY store and having measured up, bought the glass and putty needed to repair the toilet window at 35, Corbin House, Bow Bridge Estate London E3, his current place of residence.
For reasons which escape me, but which almost certainly involve large quantities of alcohol and possibly a hammer, the toilet window had been smashed. And, because like our flat at number 60, the bathroom is adjacent to the front door, it means a broken pane or panes of the frosted glass allow callers to the flat uninterrupted views of … Well, you see what I mean.
In order to protect the modesty of unsuspecting visitors (more so than the occupants, it has to be said, who couldn’t really have cared less) a photograph of Manchester United and Northern Ireland international Norman Whiteside of the appropiate size is placed strategically behind the broken glass. And it had been this way for months.
Until Dinks finally took it upon himself to repair it.
“Job’s a good ‘un” smiled a gratified Dinks, probably one of the world’s most unpractical people, as he stands back to admire his handiwork, rubbing the putty from his hands. “Fancy a pint?”
“But Dinks …” – I don’t know how to break it to him. – “The glass …”
“What about it?”
“Well it’s clear. It should be frosted … Did you ask for frosted glass, Dinks? … Dinks?”
“Fuck. Fucking Hell … Well, bollocks, I’m not doing it again.”
And so Norman Whiteside was returned to his rightful position.
And for all I know, he’s still there.
© Andy Daly 2016