The previous owners here had made a pond and a pathetic waterfall/water-feature-type thing. It was so bad it is simply impossible to describe in grown-up language. As I sit here and write I can feel myself getting irritated at how crap it was and how proud the owner was of it; as if it was a major selling point of the house:
“Now let’s see, the central heating’s fucked, the tiles in the bathroom have been put up by someone with vertigo and no thumbs, the electrics look as if they’re pre-war (that’s the Crimean War) and the garden’s full of bamboo, but hey! It’s got a water feature. We must have it!”
See what I mean?
Well, the frogs that were thrown in when the deal was sealed (£395,000 for freehold property as described plus 3 frogs) finally got the move they’d obviously been dying for last week, when with my youngest son we caught them, put them in a bucket and took them to the pond in the nature reserve (tip) at the end of our street. There, he and I bid them a fond Adeiu, whereupon they leapt with gay abandon into the murky tadpole-infested waters. We scuttled off for a walk round said reserve during which time, our frogs were probably being greedily gobbled up by the local Heron or suchlike. I didn’t mention this to my youngest who is of a nervous disposition where animal welfare is concerned.
I am already looking forward to smashing the water feature to smithereens with the pickaxe I nicked from the builders.
© Andy Daly 2010
Sitting Comfortably? 
Some would give there right arm for a water feature, admittedly not the one in the picture, and to be fair its about time you sorted that mess out scrubber, what the hell are you going to but in its place, will it be a grand design befitting your artist abilities or is it just grass, you must publish the outcome and we can vote if you have made an improvement or screwed up.
steve
This has got to be better than that crap, La’. Addy on its way.
Garden 2009
I quite like the water feature.
But that’s just me …
Well, not necessarily. You see, just between you and me, the water feature featured (if you see what I mean) is not really in our garden. In fact I’ve no idea where it is. It comes courtesy of Google, because the ‘real’ eyesore/feature was indeed smashed to smithereens a long time ago. Trust me. It was bad … very bad. And smelly!