The Mafia At Home In Brooklyn
‘Ey Tony, Ey Tony? When do we gotta taker down these xmas decorations I can never remember is it the fifth or the sixth? We don’t want bad luck.’
Bad luck! bad luck? What is it wichou, stoopid? Every year you axe the same dumb question. Why I oughta slap you good and proper you bozo. Was it is not for that lovely picture of our sweet Mama lookin down on us I swear I’d crack your Godamned skull …
Ey !Careful with those baubles, dey were your Uncle Frankies.’
Man afflicted with Quiz Answer Syndrome at his fathers death bed
‘Amen corner’ were his last words to me. I have no idea what he was talking about . There’s an Amen Corner in London and another one in Newcastle. He could have been talking about Amen Corner, the band ‘ ‘Bend me Shape me’ which featured, who? Steve Winwood dunno. Don’t give upon me now, don’t you die and give up on us – David Soul, partnered by Starsky and theme music by Tom Scott . Ooooooo Funky! Huggy Bear, Padding ton bear, Mornington Crescent…..
Fading movie starlet Dolores Valium
As soon as the director yelled ‘Cut!’ she screamed:
‘Youre nothing but a jumped up hack! You wouldn’t know what a movie was if it dropped out of your ass. Harvey Hampersand , you are a fake and a fink to boot.’ She took a sideways look at the cameraman who had begun to snigger.
And what the hell is wrong with you glass eye? And with that, she walked straight off the Columbia soundstage, through the parking lot and out of sight.
‘’ Don’t worry said Harvey, she’ll be back tomorrow’
‘ I wouldn’t be too sure about that’ muttered glass eye
So I walked through for the last time….I ain’t gonna lie. I was sad. I picked up the toaster with which she had toasted her breakfast bread for almost half a century. It only worked on one side, and unless you got the controls exactly, exactly right it would leave bread carbonised on one side and untoasted on the other.
‘Why the hell didn’t we buy her a new one? Nah I know what would’ve happened. It would still be sittin’, in its box. ‘For special occasions’. Darn it what kind of special occasions would you want a toaster for anyways?’